Many years ago, I was working at the KOA campground about 5 miles from my house. It was a really fun job, and I loved my coworkers and bosses. I worked with 2 other girls about my age Chelsey and Caitlyn. Often, our bosses wouldn’t need to be in the store with us because we’d be able to run the day-to-day tasks without supervision.
On one such day, Chelsey and I were working, but it was extremely slow. So we talked and joked, and just hung out, like any such teenager working a job would do. Eventually, the subject came upon breakfast foods. (It was a really slow day.) I said, “I know there’s not even a need to say this, but waffles are like the billionaire CEOs of breakfasts, while pancakes are like the thousandaire Laundromat owners of breaksfasts.”
Chelsey laughed, and then looked at me curiously. “Wait, you’re serious?”
“Very serious,” I said.
“No! Pancakes are 6000 times better than waffles will ever be,” she demanded.
Needless to say, the argument ensued. I brought up many great points, and I will list them for you. And she brought up some really lousy points, which I will also list.
Reason 1: Waffle houses are the degenerate inbred cousins of IHOPs—this is the only valid point I’m accepting.
Reason 2: Pancakes can be wrapped around things – she totally meant crepes, and therefore, shitty answer
Reason 3: You can put blueberries and chocolate chips in pancakes – and you can’t in waffles, why?
|I get that I'm sort of abusing the right to use Jeffrey, the hipster goldfish, but I had no idea what to draw for this one.|
Soon, our argument became cyber violent. We started writing on each other’s facebook walls. Hurling insult after insult at each other’s preferred breakfast. There was no getting through to this girl. I had to send in the big guns. I poked her. What I didn’t expect (though I probably should have) was that she had plenty of capability to poke back. Damn you, Zuckerburg.
We’ve been at it ever since. I literally poked her 5 minutes ago. Then I wrote on her wall, giving her fair warning about this article. I doubt she’ll survive the battle. Good always conquers evil. And waffles are always better than pancakes.