Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Middleton is a Royal Idiot

Today at work, I was thumbing through an old reference copy of Vanity Fair (it was either that, or reading August’s GQ for the millionth time) and I read something interesting.  When Kate Middleton married Prince William, she was obligated to pick something to add to the royal crest.  Being an adorable little princess, she chose

That’s really sweet and screams Middleton, but HELL, there are goddamn DRAGONS on that crest!  There are lions breathing fire!  There are strange goat men waving flags!  So I decided to draw a few ideas of my own, since it seems highly unlikely that I will be marrying Prince Harry.  He is a ginger after all, and I have goddamn standards.

Pheonix armed with guns I drew from watching The Matrix: This has merit and might be my favorite idea, because this is the only creature I could think of that would stand a chance of killing the dragons that have long ruled the English Royal Crest.

For the more risk-taking princess, I have a tiger skydiving during a thunderstorm.

I wanted the last creature to choose from to be powerful and man-eating, but I also wanted a body function to offend the Queen, and I wanted a dash of magic in there, so a royal bear vomiting rainbows and sparkles seems like the right ticket.

Anyway, hopefully future beaus of the royals will somehow read this article and add this to the crest.  If you’re reading this, beaus, you have my expressed permission to steal my pictures and throw them on the crest!