Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Short'uns disease

There’s a little running joke that my parents’ told me as a kid known as “short-man’s disease”. Whenever I make this remark to anyone else, I seem to get a lot of blank stares, so for those of you who don’t know, keep up, because once you know about it, you see it everywhere.
Short man’s disease refers to the correlation between a man’s height and his muscularity. The shorter the man, the bulkier he becomes.
This is a psychological (and generic) term known as overcompensation, and is often paired with terrible tempers (brought on by testosterone overdose due to steroids [Allegedly!]) and lots of Ed Hardy clothing). Or I guess any clothing that sparkles a lot, which I think, is supposed to distract you from their height.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of hotheaded bulky tall guys out there too, but in my experience, 4 times out of 5, the bulkheads will have a height lower than that of the national average. If you need proof, let’s turn our attention to America’s favorite show “Jersey Shore”. There’s no debate that Ronnie is the bulkiest of the men. My entire body will fit into his bicep. He is 5’7’’ and is the shortest of the men. He also goes on constant [alleged] ‘roid rages. So much so that he is easily my least favorite person on Jersey Shore.
I wonder how buff Napoleon really was… or if that’s why he wanted to wear so many sparkly medals?
Anyway, I decided to write this little article after my run today. I was just doing some cool down stretches and walking back to my house when a young couple walked by. They were the exact same height and the male had hair so gelled that I’m sure it would have sounded metal had I knocked on it. He was also wearing a tie-dye gray and blue t-shirt adorned with many fake tattoo designs by Ed Hardy himself. I stayed on the right-hand of the sidewalk and nodded as I walked by (as I often do as a friendly gesture). BulkHardy then purposefully steps into my path and slams my shoulder, for nonverbally saying “hello” to his girlfriend and him. Yeah, that’s healthy.