Sunday, May 29, 2011

Popcorn, the Almighty Wizard!

I'm almost 100% sure popcorn is magic.

For one, it is one of the best smelling foods on the planet. It has the power to cause jealousy and hunger pains to all of the workplace (especially at Kingland because that place is a hallowed out movie theater where popcorn just reigns supreme).

But I also think popcorn can turn to Dark Magic. The smell of burnt popcorn is one of the most foul scents on earth, and it will haunt "the scene of the crime" for a good week as revenge. The worst part is the shame of it all. I accidentally burnt popcorn at Wells Fargo (because their microwaves are industrial and bitch-nasty) and I became known as the popcorn-guy for the next 3 days. Popcorn had unleashed its fury upon me, and I was lunch-less and ashamed.

But it's not just the scents of popcorn that lead me to believe in its powers. Popcorn also has the power of hypnosis. Whether microwave, Jiffy pop on the stove, or an Air popper, I become mesmerized with watching the popcorn pop. Maybe it's because I want to ensure I don't burn it, but there's something to the fact that I enjoy watching the kernels pop into fluffy misshapen morsels that will soon be in or around my mouth.

Popcorn's hypnotizing powers have quite the effect on microwave companies as well. Every microwave I have ever used has had a popcorn button. Popcorn has thrown its hat into the ring of contenders of microwave buttons, and has come out on top with "Defrost" "Reheat" and "Clock". Let's see TV Dinners try that one!
Popcorn also gives me survival. There was a sad, tragic time in my life (about 2 months ago) when all I had in my bank account was $15 and all I had in my stomach was a grumble. I bought a large box of microwave popcorn (in my head I was like "awesome, vegetables!" and in my heart I was like "this is going to be so unhealthy") and ate that for a full 2 weeks. Not only did it sustain me, but I was still able to exercise without fainting from malnutrition! Thank you popcorn, for all the energy required to function.

Also, it tastes good.